Rollercoaster
There are a lot of things on this planet I could use as a metaphor for healing trauma. When I finally found a therapist I clicked with, I assumed the process would be easy. It didn’t take long to realize there is nothing easy about healing trauma. Healing isn’t linear. It’s not a one size fits all experience. Just like rollercoasters are all different with their ups and downs and loops and curves, so is healing.
I have a love-hate relationship with rollercoasters. They terrify me but the adrenaline rush, freeing feeling they cause, I crave. Same goes for my healing. I was terrified to start the journey through healing and there were many times I wanted to get off the ride, but I craved that happy, satisfied, freeing feeling I was told comes with healing. My rollercoaster was long. Had I stopped the ride before it was done though I would have just been stuck. There were plenty of ups and downs. The anticipation to get to the top was a good reprieve for the downward drop that makes your heart feel like it fell to your toes and takes your breath away. I also had some long straight ways of calm before a new curve or loop surfaced. My emotions were also up and down. Sometimes I’d have an Aha moment and feel so good about it. Other times I felt so down I thought maybe my cart had been derailed on the lowest part of the ride. Throw in some extra curves and loops you can’t always see coming and you have the makings of the most terrifying roller coaster you’ll ever encounter.
That all sounds a bit petrifying, right? There’s other ways healing is like a roller coaster, though. Roller coasters are easier to ride if you have people ready to hold your hand through the ride. Whether that be a friend, therapist, or family, it’s always easier to do something scary when you have people cheering you on. When you are headed down or around a scary loop, I’ve learned the best way to release the fear is to surrender, throw your hands in the air and scream. There isn’t a one size fits all reaction though.
Everyone reacts to roller coasters differently. I’ve never got off a roller coaster and judged someone for how they reacted during the scary parts. There are going to be people on the ride that scream, some will cry, and there may even be some vomit. The thing about roller coasters is that they all eventually come to an end. At the end of doing something that scared me I didn’t look back and regret facing that fear. I smiled and felt proud for doing what terrified me. Same goes for everyone else on the roller coaster. It’s not about how you get through the ride, it's that you decide to do it. The calm at the end of a roller coaster like that and being able to breathe normally again is a relief I don’t even have words for. The ride is scary but the feeling at the end is priceless.
“Healing isn’t linear. It’s not a one size fits all experience.”