Shame and Truth
Shame is a liar. Truth tells the truth.
When you have experienced any form of trauma, shame is very likely to follow. Shame is defined as "a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior." Maybe it's even safe to say all of us have experienced some shame in our life—Jesus being the only exception. But just because we all may experience shame does not mean it's correct. The problem with it is that, well—shame is a liar.
My experience with shame after the trauma of sexual assault changed my life, and not for the better. See, my shame was big. My shame was loud. My shame was heavy. My shame kept me hiding, running, and kept me drinking. Here's the thing, shame didn't happen like my assault—which I didn't ask for. No, I picked shame up by choice. I picked it up and carried it on purpose. I thought it was mine to carry. I thought I owned it now. It was part of me whether I liked it or not. "It was all your fault." "Why did you let that happen?" "You were drunk." "You deserved it."
Shame was so heavy. I stopped carrying my head held high. Any confidence I had before was stripped. It left me feeling broken, disgusting, used up, and worthless. I was embarrassed of my shame too. I was ashamed and I didn't want anyone to know. So I drank to numb the pain, to numb the noise. Again, shame was loud.
After carrying my shame for a few years, it started getting too heavy to carry. I wasn't able to keep it under control anymore. I had to let someone know. I finally did, and realized I needed help. This was a battle I couldn't face on my own.
During therapy, we would unpack and unravel the mess trauma had left in its wake. After some time, shame was still there. My shame was big, loud, and heavy. What could win a match against my shame? Well, Truth did. Truth, not just facts. True Truth—God's Truth. Scripture. God's presence and His Spirit. Capital "T" Truth.
See, Truth is quiet like a whisper, so sometimes it is hard to hear. Truth is soft and gentle. Truth is light and airy. Truth is free. Truth is nothing like shame.
Since my shame was so loud I had to learn to turn down its noise so I could even hear Truth. It took some time to get my shame to quiet, but as it did I could hear the whisper of Truth more clearly and clearly saying "It wasn't your fault." "I love you." "I am here." "It's going to be okay." "Come to Me.”
As I let the volume of Truth increase, a puzzling thing happened to my shame.
It crumbled into dust. My shame crumbled to dust!
Shame could not stand in the presence of Truth.
Shame cannot stand in the presence of Truth.
I was able to walk away a little lighter that day. I was able to breathe a little easier. I was able to lift my head, and rejoice in Truth.
Who are you listening to? Remember, shame is a liar.
Only Truth tells the truth.
“Truth is soft and gentle. Truth is light and airy. Truth is free. Truth is nothing like shame.” - Ava